


We Build These Walls

by SpacedOut



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Buck Loves Eddie, Buck dissociates, Buck had a rough childhood, Dissociation, Eddie loves Buck, Eddie wants to punch something, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Slash, Protective Eddie Diaz, Sad with a Happy Ending, So much angst, Therapist scene never happened in season one, a lot of fluff too, buddie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:08:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23887957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpacedOut/pseuds/SpacedOut
Summary: Buck's childhood comes back to haunt him after the 118 answers a rough call.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 396





	We Build These Walls

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I really love this show so I decided to take a stab at writing Buck/Eddie :) I'm a sucker for angst and hurt/comfort so buckle up. I haven’t finished season 3A so I’ll just say this is set somewhere in there. 
> 
> **WARNING: Mentions of implied molestation (non-descriptive) and references to child pornography. Buck has a dissociative episode.**
> 
> No beta. All mistakes are my own.

**Age Regression: When somebody reverts to a child-like state of mind, often as a coping mechanism for things like PTSD, depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues.**

________ 

It was not a typical call. 

Athena needed a favor and collectively the 118 probably owed her too many favors to count over the years. Bobby and the team were more than happy to help in any way they could, the LAFD and LAPD were like a big family after all.

Chimney was doing dishes at the kitchen sink while Eddie, Buck, and Hen sat at the table playing cards.

“Rummy!”

“Buck, you don’t yell Rummy when you have one card left. This isn’t UNO,” Hen laughed behind her fanned out hand of red and white casino cards. 

“Oh…” Buck looked down at the last card in his hand, “Well I’m about to beat the both of you, so HA!”

Eddie grinned at Buck as he picked up a card from the pile in the center of the table, “Sure about that Buckeroo?” 

He threw down three aces before slapping his last card next to the pile of laid out discarded cards, ending the game.

Eddie leaned over the table toward Buck. Eddie was absolutely living for the scowl on the younger man’s face right now.

“I win,” he nearly drawled out the word ‘win’ just long enough to see Buck shake his head, grinning like he just saw Eddie cross the finish line of the Boston Marathon before he could.

“Beginners luck,” Hen rolled her eyes at the two men across from her as they started throwing cards back and forth at each other. 

Just then, Bobby appeared at the top of the steps. Everyone looked over at him. 

"Hey Cap," Chimney said. 

“Hey. Athena needs us to drive through a neighborhood so the 911 dispatchers can locate someone that needs help.”

“Kind of like what I did with the girl with the break-in a while back?” Buck asked.

“Exactly like that. Come on, let’s go,” Bobby said. 

Like every emergency, the team jumped from their spots and ran down the stairs and prepared the truck. Buck dived for the firehouse pole like he always does. Eddie followed behind Bobby, Chimney, and Hen down the stairs. 

“Prepare for a possible pediatric intubation,” Bobby said to Hen before they parted ways. 

Hen nodded and jumped into the back of the ambulance while Chimney jumped into the drivers seat.

“This seems like more than just a drive by, Cap,” Eddie said to Bobby, “Is a kid injured?” 

Bobby looked over and watched as Buck climbed into the back seat of the firetruck before responding.

Eddie almost thought Bobby was ignoring him before Bobby turned back to him, “We think so.”

Eddie nodded and turned to join Buck in the firetruck. He already didn’t like the sound of this. 

Just as Eddie turned away, Bobby grabbed Eddie’s shoulder to stop him. Eddie turned back and looked at the Captain with a confused look. 

“I need you to keep an eye on Buck. Don’t let him enter the crime scene and don’t let him leave your sight,” Bobby told Eddie, “I’m serious. Just don’t let him get close.”

“Bobby, what is going on?” Eddie asked. He didn’t like how cryptic Bobby sounded. 

Bobby let go of Eddie’s shoulder and headed around the front of the truck to get into the drivers seat. 

“No time, just do it for me.”

About a thousand questions popped into Eddie’s head as he climbed into the truck and sat across from his best friend. 

Since when did he become Buck’s babysitter? Buck is a grown ass man for Christ’s sake. What is this even about? Eddie thought about it and decided to shove it off as Bobby being cautious since it’s only been a couple weeks since Buck returned to LAFD after his accident and the lawsuit. 

But Buck has been through a lot, Eddie thought to himself. Between the Earthquake, his sister being taken, the fire truck crushing his leg, the Tsunami… he has seen hell and back these past couple years. 

Buck was strong, he was capable. He’s an amazing firefighter and an even more amazing person. He had fallen into his and Christopher’s life and within weeks of friendship he became family. Buck was their _person_.

“What happened with the girl the last time you did this?” Eddie asked. It was rare when he did not know about a rescue by the 118. If he was being honest with himself, he always felt a little left out when it came to hearing stories from the times before he joined the team.

Buck smiled up at Eddie from his seat, “The girl was home alone when someone broke into her house. The family had just moved in and she did not know her address. Maddie was the dispatch and I ended up driving the firetruck through a neighborhood so that she could try to locate the kid using the sound of the siren. They didn’t want it to be a police car because they thought the guys would get spooked and maybe hurt the kid. It ended up working out really well. Also I helped stop a bullet from hitting Athena, it’s how I finally got in her good graces actually.”

Eddie chuckled, “Impressive.”

“The best part is that I was technically fired at that point, so I basically stole the firetruck,” Buck added with his signature toothy grin. 

Eddie shook his head and smiled, “Of course you did.”

“On brand for me?” Buck asked with a fake serious expression.

“Very on brand for you, Buck,” Eddie said as he slapped his hand onto the other man’s shoulder.

Athena could be heard over their shoulder walkie talkies.

“What’s your location?”

“Entering the neighborhood now,” Bobby responded. 

Eddie shouted from their spot in the back seat, “What are we looking for?”

“I’m not sure yet. Buck, keep your eyes on the back window and Eddie you come up here and help me with the front window while I drive.”

“On it,” Eddie unbuckled himself and climbed into the front seat as they turned down a suburban neighborhood. Buck scooted closer to his window and started scanning the neighborhood for suspicious activity. 

“There’s going to be a green car in the driveway,” Athena’s voice broke through the sound of truck’s siren. It sounded like she was getting information from the caller in real time. 

“Likely to be Holly bushes wrapped around the porch, he says there’s berries on them.”

Eddie feels the adrenaline building in his gut. It happens right before he knows he’s about to spring into action to save someone’s life. The only thing is this time he’s not 100% what they are looking for or who he could be potentially saving. 

“You’re getting closer,” Athena said into the walkie talkie, “they can hear you.”

“They?” Eddie asked. 

“Multiple children” Bobby said to Eddie. Eddie could tell that Bobby had purposely lowered his voice to avoid Buck’s earshot. 

Eddie nodded as he kept his gaze to the houses passing by. He didn’t like Bobby being so secretive, especially on Buck’s behalf. 

But honestly, Bobby didn't really seem to know what is going on either.

Eddie knew that sometimes in emergency situations there was just no time for all the details, the details normally became apparent once you show up and are kneeling over a body doing compressions or rushing into a building and putting out a fire. Sometime you never get the details. 

At the end of the street Eddie saw an old green Sedan parked in a driveway. From what he could see the house looked way more run down than the rest in the middle income neighborhood they were cruising through. Dark green bushes consumed the front porch.

Eddie pointed, “that might be it.”

Bobby grabbed his walkie with one hand and pressed the button, “We think we’re approaching.”

Athena responded quickly, “Sounds like it. Do a loop just in case and we’ll meet you there.”

____

It was the house. 

Within minutes, at least nine police cars showed up to the home. Eddie figured that their job was done but Bobby pulled the firetruck along the curb a couple houses down from the scene and slammed the truck into park. 

The team jumped out of the truck. Bobby jogged over to the congregating police to get the next orders from Athena. 

“Looks like they got plenty of help, I wonder why we’re still here.” Buck said as he followed behind Eddie to the ambulance with Hen and Chimney. 

Eddie slowed down til the pair were shoulder to shoulder, “No kidding. I thought they were just using us for subtlety, now half of LA’s police are here.”

“They must’ve already caught the person,” Buck shrugged. 

As they approached Hen and Chimney, they heard a police officer shouting over the radios. 

“We need back up, multiple EMT. All local ambulances copy.”

“That’s us,” Chimney said. 

Hen and Chimney jumped into action with their medical bags and headed over to an officer that was waving his hand at them. 

Eddie and Buck followed behind them.

As Buck and Eddie pushed through the crowd, Bobby stepped in front of them with his hands up.

“Guys, stay back. They don’t need a bunch of people in that house. Grab some extra rescue boards from the truck and get them ready.”

“What’s the situation?” Buck asked. 

Bobby looked at Buck. Eddie noticed the Captain looked pale, as if he was about to tell them both some very bad news but didn’t quite know what to say.

Eddie then noticed Athena standing beside the Captain. She gave him a questioning look before she sighed and looked at the two young firefighters.

“Multiple kidnapping. There’s at least thirteen children in that house. That sick man was keeping them in his basement for months, even years for some of them. Usually he hunted for toddlers but he decided to be risky and picked up a twelve year old boy in broad daylight last week. When the boy had the chance, he called 911."

“Did you say, ‘hunted’?” Buck nearly choked out, the younger man looked stricken. 

Athena glared at Bobby.

“Why’d you bring him?” she said in the tone that Eddie knew she only saved for when she was pissed, “He could’ve sat this one out.” She was referring to Buck.

Bobby looked back at her defensively, “If I had told him he would have came anyways… and you probably wouldn’t have the suspect alive in the back of your car right now.”

Just then a police officer walked up with what looked like laptop in an evidence bag. 

“This isn’t even tip of the iceberg, Athena. He has hundreds of hard drives in his house. This is probably the largest child pornography ring bust we have ever done in LA,” the officer said. 

Eddie felt sick as the police officer continued to describe what the scene looked like inside. It was horrific, the children had likely not left the home since they were forced into it. The house was full of set pieces and back drops for lewd photo and video shoots. 

Eddie looked up and saw the first of the children being pushed out on stretchers by Chimney, Hen, and some other medics that had shown up in the midst of the chaos. The child being pushed by Hen and Chimney was covered in a white sheet. 

Eddie looked over and saw the twelve year old boy that called dispatch sitting on the back of another ambulance covered in a shock blanket and speaking to one of the officers. 

“Buck!” Bobby’s shouting broke Eddie’s attention away from the awful scene in front of him. 

Eddie turned to see that Buck was no longer at his side and was now charging towards the back of Athena’s police car where the suspect was now sitting. 

Eddie and Bobby ran after him.

Buck tried to open the car door but it was locked, “You sick piece of shit! You sick fuck!”

Buck started to bang on the tinted window until it cracked. Eddie could see the man cower away from Buck on the other side of the door.

Before Eddie and Bobby could get to him, other police officers had already grabbed onto Buck and pulled him away from the car. 

“Get off of me! Get the fuck off of me! Don’t touch me!” Buck started swinging at the officers. 

It felt like everything was happening so fast. Without a second of thought, Eddie pushed through the crowd of officers that were holding Buck back.

“Get off of him! I got him, I got him,” Eddie shouted at everyone around them. Buck continued to struggle until Eddie was on him and pulling him into an embrace. 

“I got you, Buck. It’s me, it’s Eddie.” Buck was shaking in his arms. 

Clearly this was what Bobby was trying to ask Eddie to help prevent, but Eddie still didn’t understand. He was sure everyone here at the scene is disgusted and angry about whatever has been happening in that house. It’s horrific. Unimaginable. But he has never seen Buck react like this. This wasn’t his normal Buck. What he just saw was a completely different person.

Athena ran over and started doing damage control with the confused officers that just had to pull a firefighter away from killing their suspect. 

Bobby stared at Buck in Eddie’s arms, “I got to stay here, take him back to the 118 in the firetruck. We don’t need it here. I’ll head back with Chim and Hen.” 

“I’m sorry,” Bobby added, “I should’ve communicated better with the both of you.” 

Eddie didn’t know what to say to that so he continued to hold Buck as he led them both back to the firetruck. He felt like he didn’t now much of anything anymore. 

Eddie was never the one to be too overprotective of Buck like this. He held his hand and never left his side when the firetruck exploded and crushed his leg. He stayed with him in the hospital while he waited for Maddie to receive medical treatment in the ER after she was found in the mountains with her dead ex.

But this felt different. 

It seemed to Eddie that Buck had seen something like this in the past, maybe he knew someone who had been a victim of something like this. The way Buck looked right now looked like the kind of hurt that was deep beneath the surface, something that had never healed. 

Eddie practically carried Buck into the fire truck, Buck finally reached out and took hold of a handle bar before pulling himself into the front seat. 

Eddie closed his door and climbed into the drivers seat and turned the key. 

Buck turned and stared out the window and followed the view of the house and the police cars as Eddie pulled away from the chaos.

Eddie spoke first.

“What happened back there, Buck?”

Silence. 

“That wasn’t you back ther—”

“People like him deserve to die,” Buck spit back.

“I wholeheartedly agree… but I don’t think it’s smart to do it in front of dozens of police officers.”

“It’s the least we could do for those kids,” Buck’s voice was strained from shouting. 

Eddie couldn’t miss the pain he heard in his voice.

“Some would say the best route for people like him is to make sure he’s put away forever, that way he can rot in prison.”

“Not enough.”

“Buck—” 

Buck turned to look at Eddie, his voice shaking.

“Eddie, the things that man made them do… it’s… it’s despicable.” 

“I know,” Eddie said quietly. He wondered if Buck saw the deceased child covered in the white sheet on the stretcher that Chimney and Hen pushed out of the house. 

The rest of the ride back to the 118 was quiet as Eddie was laser focused on the roads. Eddie wondered if Buck noticed that he was speeding.

Eddie pulled the truck into the fire station. He turned the keys and cut the engine. 

Everyone else was away from the station and out on different runs. 

It was just the two of them. 

“Fuck...” 

“Evan?” Eddie looked over at the crumbling man in the passenger seat. He didn’t even realize he used his best friend’s real name.

“I told myself that I’d never let him do this to me again…”

“Who?” Eddie asked. He could feel his heartbeat in his chest. The realization that it was Buck that had endured a similar fate as those kids… it was like an absolute punch in the gut for Eddie. 

_No. Not him. Not Evan Buckley._

Buck looked at his hands as he released a silent sob.

Eddie was lost, absolutely lost. He felt his eyes swell with tears watching his best friend fall apart in front of him. He reached out to Buck. 

“Buck, Buck come here.” 

Buck practically threw himself into Eddie’s lap. He gripped the older man’s arms as he dipped his head against the older man’s chest.

Eddie and Buck held each other like that for a while. The silence of the truck and the firehouse was deafening against the soft sobs of his best friend. 

Eventually, Buck went quiet in Eddie’s arms. 

Eddie looked down to see that Buck had stopped crying. 

Buck looked up at Eddie with a grin and laughed, “You’re a good friend, Eds.”

“Hey, you okay?” Something seemed off. The change in emotion seemed too quick to be authentic for Buck. 

Buck looked around like he was mesmerized by the fire truck they were sitting in. It reminded Eddie of Christopher the first time he brought him to the station.

He rocked back and forth excitedly, “This is so cool!”

Eddie’s smile fell, he was terrified. 

“Buck, what’s happening?”

Buck giggled at Eddie before turning towards the door and climbing out of the firetruck. He looked around like he had never seen the fire station before.

Eddie jumped out of the truck with one thud (nearly twisting his ankle in the process) and ran over to Buck.

“Buck, let me take your vitals please,” Eddie said as he scrambled for a nearby medical bag. 

Buck continued to laugh as Eddie sat him down on a bench and took his blood pressure and heart rate.

Normal.

Eddie reached out and held his hand against Buck’s head to check for a fever. Buck leaned into his hand and closed his eyes. Buck bit his lip with a smile. “This feels nice.”

“No fever. What day is it today?”

“It’s almost Christmas!” Buck yelled excitedly.

“You’re about four months too early, buddy.”

Eddie looked around the fire station, hoping to find something, anything, that could help him.

There was nothing. 

He pulled out his phone and tried to call Maddie. No answer.

Bobby.

Bobby seemed to know that Buck wasn’t going to respond well to the call. 

“Hold on Buck, I’m calling Bobby.”

Buck had already busied himself with a nearby helmet. He picked up and began to study it with wide blue eyes. 

Eddie got him on the second ring.

“Bobby?”

“Eddie? How’s he doing?”

“Um.. not good Bobby. He was pretty upset and when we got back to the fire station he didn’t recognize it and… Bobby it seems like he lost his memory or something.”

“Ah, damnit… I was afraid of this happening.”

“What?”

“Hold on… let me find somewhere to talk… Eddie you still there?”

“Yeah, Bobby, what is going on? I’m fucking terrified. Buck isn’t himself. I think he needs to go to the hospital,” Eddie’s voice cracked on the word ‘hospital’. He was so damn sick of seeing the people he cared about in the ER. Today had quickly become another nightmare.

“That’s what I did the first time this happened and it didn’t go well.”

“What? Bobby do you know something I don’t?”

“It's a PTSD response, he's regressing. Buck doesn’t want anyone to know about it. The only reason I do is because I was with him when it happened the first time. I don’t even think his sister or parents know. It started happening after he joined LAFD.”

“What… what do I do?” Eddie felt the panic rise.

“You’re both off for the rest of the weekend. Chimney and Hen are too. Anyone from the 118 that was at that call today is being given time off. Most of the kids are fighting for their lives right now on the way to LA Medical. I’ll be heading back to the station shortly. I can meet you at your house.”

“Okay, I’m just scared Bobby. I feel like I lost him just now.”

“You didn’t lose him. Eddie, the only reason I’m still here and not back at the station with him right now is because I know he trusts you and I know you care about him. I know you’ll be there for him. I’d have asked you to stay here with Hen and Chim in my place if I didn’t think that was the case.

Athena was right, I don’t know why I thought this would not turn out the way it did. Of course this happened. I should’ve explained everything to both of you. ”

Eddie wanted to tell him that he needs to start treating Buck like an adult, because at the end of the day Eddie knew that Buck was Bobby’s weakness. Buck always hit a soft spot in  
Bobby’s heart and everyone knew it. Buck was like a son to him, and sometimes the Captain treated him as such. But Buck was an adult… even if he wasn’t acting like one right now.

Instead, Eddie focused on what else Bobby said. _He trusts you. I know you care about him._

He’s right, Eddie thought, I do care about him. A hell of a fucking lot. 

“It’s okay Bobby, thank you. I’ll take him to my house.” 

Eddie paused, he needed to know just one more thing.

“What causes this? I know it’s a PTSD response, but what happened to him?”

The line was quiet for a moment. 

Finally,

“Buck hasn’t always had an easy life, Eddie. He told me a neighbor used to abuse him growing up. He didn’t tell me much, but you can put two and two together. Sometimes, this is how our brains cope with things.”

Eddie looked across the firehouse at Buck fiddling with some fire equipment, he suddenly felt the urge to hit something. **Hard.**

“Look, uh, I better take him home…” was all Eddie could manage.

“I’ll text you once I’m back at the station. Thank you, Eddie. I know he’s thankful too.”

Eddie pressed the red button on his screen, ending the call. He slipped his phone shakily into his pocket. He then found his keys in his other jacket pocket. 

Eddie walked over to Buck as he tried to muster up a smile.

“Hey Buckeroo, how about I take you to my house. How does that sound?”

A toothy grin spread across Buck’s face, “Okay!”

Eddie reached out and offered his hand, Buck grabbed it immediately and squeezed it softly. 

The ride home was again quick and quiet. Buck found one of Christopher’s toy boats in the back seat and held it in his arms while they made their way home. 

Eddie texted Carla and asked if Christopher could stay with her for the night. He said that something urgent came up and left it at that. Carla immediately texted back an excited “YES!”

Carla and Christopher were gone by the time Eddie and Buck showed up. 

“This is a nice boat,” Buck said quietly as Eddie led him into his house. 

“It is a nice boat,” Eddie smiled in agreement. It was The Black Pearl from Pirates of the Caribbean, most of the action figures were still lost under the car seat somewhere. 

At some point on the ride home Eddie decided that if this is what Buck needed from him right now, then damnit this is what Eddie was going to give him. 

Eddie would give Buck the whole world if he could.

“What do you wanna do, Buckeroo?”

“Play…” Buck said shyly as he looked around Eddie’s house. 

Eddie took him to Christopher’s room and sat down criss cross with him on the floor. They were surrounded by Legos, dolls, and coloring books that Christopher had left on the floor.  
Eddie had been teaching him to clean up after himself, it was clearly a work in progress.

Buck started connecting Lego blocks and building a tower in front of him. Eddie handed Buck a block every once in a while. 

Eddie’s heart was aching for Buck. He honestly would really be enjoying this right now if he and Buck had just decided that it would be fun to play with some of Christopher’s toys.  
But given the context, Eddie felt sick to his stomach.

He needed to know more.

“Buck?”

“Yes?” Buck smiled as he concentrated on connecting the Legos.

“What do you want for Christmas?” Eddie asked. 

The fact that Buck thinks it’s Christmas right now (even though it’s only September) seemed to mean something. 

“Disneyland.”

“You want Disneyland?”

Buck giggled, “Randy said he’s going to take me to Disneyland.”

“Who is Randy?”

Buck’s smile quickly faded, he blinked a couple times before shaking his head. 

“My neighbor.”

“What are you going to do at—”

“I don’t feel good. I think I want to lay down,” Buck cut Eddie off. 

He stood up and walked out of Christopher’s room and into to the living room. He plopped down on the couch and rolled over to face the couch cushion. 

Eddie pulled a blanket from his basket of blankets and threw one over Buck’s curled up body. 

Once he made sure Buck was tucked in and asleep, Eddie snuck into the kitchen with his phone and texted Bobby.

**He’s asleep.**

Bobby texted back.

**Everything okay?**

**I think so. Just go home, Bobby. I can take it from here.**

Eddie set his phone facedown and leaned against his kitchen counter.

He stared ahead at the dining room table where just last night he, Buck, and Christopher had dinner together. 

Buck is family. 

The thought of Buck being so loving and caring towards other people, it made Eddie’s chest sting at the thought of someone dimming the light in Buck’s beautiful eyes, taking away his smile. It opened something instinctual and visceral in Eddie that made him want to protect. He wanted to shield the younger man from any hurt and pain that the world threw at him. It made his hands tremble at his sides until they balled into a fist.

____

An hour later Eddie was sitting on the living room floor with his back against the couch in front of a still sleeping Buck.

The TV was turned onto some cooking show that Eddie tried to focus on. 

Eventually he felt the man behind him stir. 

“Eddie?” Buck’s voice was low and gravelly from sleep. Eddie quickly hit mute on the remote and turned his head to look at the younger man.

“How long was I asleep for?”

“About an hour,” Eddie said carefully. He waited for Buck’s memory of the day to come back, if it even was going to come back at all. 

Buck slowly sat up, tossing the warm furry blanket to the side. Buck noticed that his shoes had been taken off and on the floor at the end of the couch, Eddie must have done that.  
He was still in his uniform. Normally if he was going to Eddie’s after work he would’ve changed into a pair of his street clothes that he kept in the top drawer of Eddie’s dresser.

The fog in his brain slowly started to dissipate, “We were at work.”

“Yes,” Eddie said quietly, the air that hung between the two felt fragile.

“Something happened…” Eddie added. 

The scared look on Eddie’s face was all Buck needed to know about what was going on. 

Buck jumped up from the couch in horror and grabbed his shoes. He tried to bee-line towards the front door. 

Eddie stood up and chased after him, “Buck, please wait! Please don’t go.”

Buck turned around and faced Eddie, for the second time that day Buck’s blue eyes were red rimmed and stained with tears.

“I’m sorry! I’m embarrassed. I.. I’m sorry for whatever just happened.” 

“Do you remember?” Eddie asked.

“No… that’s the problem. I black out and then I don’t remember anything.”

“Then why are you running away? You don’t even know what happened!”

“Is.. is Christopher here?”

“No, he’s with Carla for the night. Just.. please Buck, stay here with me,” Eddie reached out his hand in hopes that Buck would take it.

“You want me here after everything I just put you through?” Buck looked scared.

It was then that Eddie realized that Buck thinks that he should be mad at him for what he did. 

The realization made Eddie’s heart break.

“Buck… you didn’t do anything wrong. I was just really worried about you.”

Eddie still had his hand reached out, Buck slowly put his hand in Eddie's.

Eddie pulled him gently into the dining room and sat them both down at the dining room table, he kept his hand in Bucks. Part of him was scared that Buck would bolt as soon as their hands lost contact. 

“We need to talk about this,” Eddie said. 

“I know, I know... I’m sorry for almost running out just now,” Buck finally looked at Eddie for the first time since he woke up, “I usually bolt because I know whatever just happened was probably humiliating.”

“Not at all, Buck,” Eddie squeezed his hand, “Just scared the shit out of me.”

Eddie smiled and Buck chuckled at him, “I seem to do that a lot.”

“You’re right about that,” Eddie said. 

Buck’s smile slowly faded. “What happened?” Buck asked.

Eddie released a breath that he didn’t even realize he was holding. He paused as he thought about what to say.

“We got a call that we needed to drive through a neighborhood to try and locate someone that called dispatch.”

“I remember that.”

“Do you remember finding the house?”

“Yes. Then we were going to go in the house then Bobby stopped us,” Buck said. Eddie noticed him start to fidget slightly as he started to remember.

Eddie finished the story for him, “Athena had arrested a man that had been torturing children in his home. He was also selling child pornography.”

Buck blinked back tears, nodding.

“You almost busted Athena’s car window to attack him, the police had to pull you away.”

“Then you pushed them away and held me,” Buck said softly, “It was the only thing that could calm me down.”

Eddie smiled at that.

“And then Bobby told us to leave, I remember that a little. I don’t remember anything after that.”

Eddie nodded, that’s when he started to notice Buck really wasn’t okay.

“You started acting childlike,” Eddie said eventually. “It was like you didn’t know who you were. I took you here and we played in Christopher’s room before you took a nap out here.”

Buck pulled his hand away from Eddies. The loss Buck's hand felt like a stab wound to Eddie.

Buck looked down, “I’m so humiliated.”

“Stop.. don’t—”

“It’s only happened a couple times before, I swear. Once with Bobby… You weren’t working that day. We answered a call about a woman that was assaulted in a park by a man. Once I made it back to the station I blacked out and Bobby drove me home.”

“I was so afraid he was going to fire me…” Buck choked out, “I thought he was going to tell me that I couldn’t be a firefighter anymore.”

“But he didn’t do that," Eddie reminded him, "He knows he can trust you, Buck.”

Buck brushed the tears from his face, “Probably not now. This is twice now I’ve black out and lost control at work—” 

“Evan,” Eddie said, “I promise you, you’re not going to lose your job over this. I won’t let that happen.”

Buck looked up at Eddie and studied him, Buck raised his voice defensively “And what about Christopher? You really want to let a man that blacks out and turns into a six year old every time he even thinks about the years he was molested by his Dad’s friend? You think that’s going to be safe for Christopher?” 

Eddie was taken aback by that. He didn’t think Buck was ready to talk about that tonight. But now Eddie knew for certain. 

Buck was sexually abused by an older man for years. Eddie fought the urge to flinch away from Buck’s words.

“Randy?”

Buck’s eyes widened, “How did you—”

“You told me when we were in Christopher’s room. He was going to take you to Disneyland.”

Eddie continued, “Buck, I meant what I said when I told you that there isn’t anyone else in the world that I trust with Christopher more than you. No matter what, I mean that.”

That seemed to be the words Buck needed. He broke down crying at the kitchen table at that. Eddie moved from his chair to kneel beside the younger man and pull him into a tight embrace. 

Buck wrapped his arms around Eddie and they sat there like that for a while.

“I’m so sorry,” Eddie said into Bucks shirt, it was muffled. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

Buck squeezed Eddie tighter.

“I just wish it didn’t bother me like it still does,” Buck said, “I don’t want to feel like this all the time.”

Eddie looked up at Buck, “Have you thought about seeing a therapist to talk about it?”

Buck nodded, “That’s what Bobby recommended… I was just afraid that if I opened up about it they would realize I wasn’t fit for duty anymore.”

Being a firefighter was so central to Buck’s being. The 118 was his career, his family, and his livelihood. It made sense that Buck wanted to protect his status at all cost.

_But at what cost?_

“I think you should, I think it will help a lot. And I promise you, therapy will help you be the best firefighter you can be,” Eddie said. 

“You’re right,” Buck said, "I'll give it a try."

Eddie smiled, “Good. And I’ll always be here for you. I promise.”

“And I’ll always be here for you and Christopher,” Buck replied, the smile that always takes Eddie’s breath away finally returned. 

Buck’s unconditional love for Christopher made Eddie tear up. When Buck realized what had happened, he immediately asked where Christopher was. When faced with the fear of not being trusted to watch him anymore, Eddie saying he trusts him made his heart buckle.

He was just the person he and Christopher needed in their lives. Buck is everything Eddie wants in a partner and while his love for the younger man had been apparent to him for months, he had never really found the right time to share that with Buck. 

Maybe now was the time.

Eddie stood and pulled Buck to his feet with him. 

Buck looked surprised to see Eddie tearing up, his own fear bubbling up to the surface again.

“Eddie?” 

“You care so much about us…” Eddie said softly, “You care about me and Christopher so much. And I’ve never seen Christopher so happy with anyone other than you. I’ve never been so happy with anyone other than you too.”

Buck’s light blue eyes lit up at Eddie’s words, the toothy grin returned and all Eddie wanted to do was kiss him.

So he did. 

“Eddie,” Buck said. 

“Can I kiss you?” Eddie asked.

Buck nodded so fast he almost gave himself whiplash. 

Eddie held Buck’s hands in his before leaning in and softly brushing his lips to Buck’s.

Buck’s lips were soft and plump and the touch was enough to make Eddie’s knees buckle. He used his and Buck’s grasped hands to steady himself. Buck laughed and Eddie joined him.

“Did um,” Buck said, “Did that just happen?”

“I believe it did,” Eddie smiled. 

"Now what?"

"Stay here with me tonight? Please." 

Eddie was afraid he was asking for too much. Buck quickly squashed that thought immediately.

"Of course," the younger man smiled.

And so he did.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments/Kudos always appreciated <3
> 
> I was thinking about posting a couple more chapters to this, let me know you're thoughts.  
> Also, feel free to post a prompt for me in the comments or on my tumblr (username: trashmouthrichietozier).


End file.
